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Post by Transitioner123 on Jul 19, 2014 11:45:17 GMT -5
Hi everyone,
So I am 17 and currently transitioning. I decided to start going natural purely to learn more about myself. As the daughter of an excellent (but anti-natural) hairstylist with 2 mixed race sisters and a coolie Jamaican step dad....the support is pretty much non-existent and neither has my natural hair since the age of 6. I have been told ("jokingly") that going natural would be saying goodbye to any non-black guy taking an interest in me. I have been repeatedly told that "natural is not for everyone" and if I do go natural I will have to make sure I keep my makeup together and dress extra nice to still look pretty. Just yesterday I was brought to tears during a pretty intense detangling session after removing my weave and washing my transitioning hair. My mom got irritated and told me that I needed to either perm it or cut it off- to which I told her that we can just do the big chop (since trying to detangle my natural/perm hair combination was so difficult, my scalp is STILL sore). She then told me that I can do the big chop when I am 18 because she will not have me walking around her house "looking like a boy". Throughout the night, a few other comments were made that didn't to very much to help my confidence or resolve to embrace the hair that God gave me. In the end, I ended the night bawling my eyes out in my room and this morning wondering if it is really worth it. (Don't get me wrong though...I love and respect my mom greatly and outside of hair, she is the most supportive mom anyone could ask for...which is why it's so difficult to hear hair hate from her because my hair isn't curly or wavy like the other girls in my immediate family.)
I guess in the end I just came on here to ask is it really worth it? And does it get any easier?
Also any tips on detangling transitioning hair that will minimize pain??
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Post by kayjacks on Jul 20, 2014 10:37:35 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through that! In my opinion I say it's definitely worth it, it's your God given hair that you were BORN with, so I don't exactly agree that going natural isn't "for everyone". If this is what you want to do with your own hair, then I would just wait til I'm 18 to do the big chop. Have you tried maybe having a sit down and telling your mom how her words make you feel?
"I have been told ("jokingly") that going natural would be saying goodbye to any non-black guy taking an interest in me."
This (at least in my case) isn't true. If anything I got even more attention from non-black guys whether I was out and about and even when I tried online dating. Nearly 95% of the guys who messaged me were white.
I did the big chop 3 years ago and went natural and funny enough I used to be the girl who straightened her hair EVERYDAY. I was actually the first in my family and old high school to do this and although I was met with a lot of skepticism (i.e. is her hair really gonna grow?), I still went through the transition and did the BC 10 months later. Honestly? At first I was elated (cut my own hair) and I was SO looking forward to doing my first wash and go to see my hair texture but... seeing my hair so shrunken it was a bit of a shock for me. Since it was during a school break I wore my hair out for a few days but then decided to put senegalese twists in my hair when school started again and I wore them til school was out. After that though things got easier and I've been wearing my hair out since (minus my first year of college, I started using wigs for days I was too lazy to do my hair lol). Now if I even straighten my hair (every February), it never lasts because I get so bored with it.
In my experience, the first year was really easy for me as far as detangling but I will admit I was a little self conscious about the shrinkage of my hair so I alternated between beanies and wash-go/puff hair styles. From then on though, my confidence in my hair (and myself) has grown tremendously and I've even been the inspiration for my mom, sister, aunts, and friends going natural. If anything the ONLY thing that has gotten harder is how long it takes to detangle lol (I mean it's not the worst but the time increases the longer your hair gets). It's all a learning experience and while you may have moments of feeling self conscious/awkward/etc. after your hair continues to grow it gets better and I think it can also aid in ones confidence (imo).
"Also any tips on detangling transitioning hair that will minimize pain??"
What conditioner do you use and are you using a good amount for each section? Are you using a lot of shampoo? In my experience, I find that shampoo makes my hair feel weird/off even if I put conditioner on it and I find that it I try to detangle after using shampoo, it's not as easy (but my mom uses shampoo and her hair is fine). I use bentonite clay and apple cider vinegar to cleanse my hair and then I co-wash. I personally use tresemme and when I put it into each section I let it sit for a few minutes before I detangle. I also recommend finger detangling or using a wide tooth comb/denman brush while detangling. It does take some time and requires patience so I also just want to say that you should avoid detangling if you're in a rush.
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missk
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Post by missk on Jul 21, 2014 16:15:17 GMT -5
I feel so sorry. Not have the support of your family isn't easy. Like kayjacks said, you should maybe wait 18 years old while transitionning. But if you really sure that you want to go natural, don't give up!! My mom was sceptic first. Because of her, I made a 2nd big chop because she didn't like my 6-7 months natural phase :rolleyes:. But now, she's really happy for me and three weeks ago, she big chopped  . I still have my grandma who is the most negative person concerning my hair but I'm strong because I did it for myself. It's gonna be hard but be strong. You'll find the way to manage your hair when you'll be totally comfortable with it. About men: there are men who prefer BW with long straight hair (relaxed or weave) and there are men who prefer us with natural hair, period. I'm talking 'bout men of all races. We can't generalize men like that. |
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Post by rizzay on Aug 1, 2014 17:37:43 GMT -5
It's weird for me to read about parents not wanting their daughters to have natural hair because my mum has always been 'anti'relaxer' for me (even though her hair was relaxed :s) and my Dad absolutely hated seeing me in any sort of extensions. I say if you want to go natural do it. There are lots of ways to go natural 'on a low' with protective styles, so if you are being stopped from doing a BC you could grow out your natural hair with those protective styles then cut off the relaxed ends when you are ready. Not everyone is going to like it but if you do, then go for it. At the end of the day it is your hair and you're the only one carrying it on your head everyday For detangling I suggest getting to know your hair,as kayjacks mentioned. For me detangling used to be a pain bcause I was using all the wrong products that my hair did not need or could not cooperate with. Sometimes my hair gets really dry because I get so lazy with it and tangled so I just spritz it with water thoroughly which helps the hair detangle on its own and then go in with my wide tooth comb. Just remember that you'll need patience or it will seem like it's taking forever and you'll get frustated. I like to watch something while I'm detangling. |
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moons
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Post by moons on Aug 2, 2014 3:05:31 GMT -5
hey hun...wow...don't cry. i'm sure you're gorgeous. anyway, it does get easier. as your hair lengthens you will be able to do more styles...but enjoy this stage that you are in right now. don't worry about them. don't straighten your hair. i fell under pressure when i first became natural, straightened my hair by moms urge, got heat damage, tried to save it but my hair grew out horribly. i had to do a second big chop and now my hair is growing out nicely. it's a struggle at times...and perhaps you do have to wear make up and dress nicely but you should be doing that anyway, am i right? it's part of being a woman...haha...no offense to anyone by that statement all. but just from what i have read and even observed in my life, men will like you as long as you are feminine and put together nicely. we want a nice looking, masculine man don't we? well we have to provide what guys like as well. and they like it when girls dress nicely and wear make up like lipstick or eyeliner...but that's a whole other topic.
anyway, you be strong and come back to supportive forums. you'll be stuntin' on them soon enough when your hair is healthy and flowing because you took care of it naturally.
also, as far as detangling goes...try using a great, creamy conditioner and a wide tooth comb. and perhaps do it while you're showering.
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. I still have my grandma who is the most negative person concerning my hair but I'm strong because I did it for myself.